ALIEN SPACESHIPS TO ATTACK EARTH IN 2011!

Three giant alien spaceships are heading for Earth!  Scientists predict they will arrive in early 2011.

UFO encounters continue to increase – as documented on WWN.  And today scientists at SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), an independent non-commercial organization,  made a major announcement:

“Three giant spaceships are heading towards Earth. The largest one of them is 200 miles wide. Two others are slightly smaller. At present, the objects are just moving past Jupiter.  Judging by their speed, they should be on Earth by early 2011,” said John Malley, the lead extraterrestrial expert at SETI.

The spaceships were detected by HAARP search system. The system, based in Alaska, was designed to study the phenomenon of northern lights. According to SETI researchers, the objects are extraterrestrial spaceships. They will be visible in optical telescopes as soon as they reach Mars’s orbit – sometime in March of 2011. The US government has been reportedly informed about the event.

SETI researchers have spent fifty years monitoring space.   Professor Malley said that they have conclusively proven that “we are just newcomers in this huge and unexplored world. Many believe that there are many other civilizations in space beside our own civilization.”

Wikileaks recenlty released many classified documents that prove that NASA and high-level U.S. official are aware of the three spaceships and are making plans to battle the spaceships.  They have been concealing information from the U.S. public for decades. Wikileaks also confirms that the UFO sightings over the last three months prove that the alien invasions (long predicted by SETI) has begun. The three spaceships will mark the official beginning of the alien invasion.

Malley said that recently a Chinese official, Mao Kan, had obtained over than 1,000 secret NASA photographs depicting not only human footprints, but even a human carcass on the surface of the Moon. Some of the bones in the carcass were missing, the official said. The human corpse must have been dropped on the Moon from an alien spaceship, whereas the extraterrestrials kept some tissue samples for research.

Dr. Ken Johnston, former Manager of the Data and Photo Control Department at NASA’s Lunar Receiving Laboratory, said that US astronauts had found and photographed ancient ruins of artificial origin on the Moon.  US astronauts had seen large unknown mechanisms on the Moon.

Both Johnston and Mao Kan agree that the alien spaceships are heading for Earth.

Beginning in February of 2011 the U.N. will begin preparing citizens of the world for the attack of the three spaceships – which are believed to come from Planet Zeeba.


MILEY CYRUS TO DO PLAYBOY!

LOS ANGELES – Miley Cyrus, who turned 18 on November 23rd, has done photo spread for Playboy!

Ever since Miley Cyrus turned 16, Hugh Hefner has been trying to sign her up to pose naked in Playboy after her 18th birthday.  Finally, with the approval of Miley Cyrus’ parents (Billy Ray and Tish), it’s a done deal – according to reports out of Arizona.

The photos were taken the day after her 18th birthday by Playboy’s top photographers, including Vlad Comito. The concept was approved by Hef himself, who says that Miley’s photo spread, will become a worldwide sensation.

The 84-year-old Playboy tycoon always thought the ‘Hannah Montana’ star – who caused controversy in 2008 by posing in just a blanket in Vanity Fair magazine for photographer Annie Leibovitz – would be a hit with readers of the adult magazine after she turns 18.

Hefner  said,  “We are excited to have her appear in the magazine. She’s a very pretty lady.”

Hefner, who thinks he still has three live-in girlfriends (even though they all moved out a year ago), also insists he can’t understand why some people are upset about Miley appearing in the magazine.  “Every woman wants to appear in Playboy,”  said Playboy CEO Sandra Piccoli.  “There’s a lot of  boys that grew up with her, and she is their fantasy girl.  And there are a lot of other men who buy our magazine because they love to see beautiful women.  Miley turned 18, so she is a legal adult and and officially  a woman.”

Playboy feels that the issue will be a smash success.  “If Miley wants to pose naked, as an adult, she has the right to do so,” said Piccoli.

Hefner is not surprised that some Americans object to Miley being in the magazine:  “I think it’s a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.”  Many parents have complained recently about Miley’s new videos which seem racy.  There’s going to be even more complaints when they see her Playboy photo-spread.  Miley has agreed to pose completely naked.

Recently, Miley, has been accused of being too “slutty” – an artistic choice she made for her latest video.  Some may think that the Playboy photos may be a step too far for the young star, but she  will join a long line of celebrities to appear in the magazine:  Denise Richards, Drew Barrymore and Pamela Anderson have previously bared all for the publication.

There’s also concern because Miley is in talks to join the wild indie band, Moses Blue, on the road next summer.

Hugh founded Playboy in 1953, almost 40 years before Miley was born.  Insiders say the elderly Hef is losing some of his mental faculties because he’s started wearing suits, and shoes.  No more bathrobes and slippers.

WWN can confirm that the rumors about Billy Ray, playing a tuba, appearing in the background of some of Miley’s  Playboy photos are completely false, though they may be true.

WWN can also confirm that Billy Ray asked Hef if Playboy would dedicate an entire Playboy issue to him.  “I’ve always wanted to appear naked in Playboy.  I know it’s for guys, but I’m so damn good-looking, I deserve a spread and everyone deserves to be able to look at me naked!”

The Miley Playboy issue will be on newsstands starting four months and five days after her 18th birthday:  March 28th, 2011.

Miley is a big girl now, she Can’t Be Tamed:


2,400 YEAR-OLD SOUP

XIAN, CHINA – A  pot of soup from 2,400 years ago was found in a tomb.  And it was still hot!

The 2,400 year old bronze vessel was found near the captial of Xian.  Archaeologists also believe they found a container of wine, and traces of brie.

“It’s the first discovery of bone soup in Chinese archaeological history,” the Global Times quoted Liu Daiyun of the Shaanxi Provincial Institute of Archaeology as saying.  “And it is the first time, we’ve ever discovered soup that was still in a bowl and  still piping hot!”

“The discovery will play an important role in studying the eating habits and culture of the Warring States Period (475-221 BC).”   That is if they can keep the archaeologists from eating the soup!”

The tomb was being excavated to make way for an airport extension, the report said.

Scientists were expected to conduct further tests to confirm the liquid was indeed soup and to identify the ingredients.   “It didn’t look like Hot N’ Sour soup to me, or Won Ton soup,” said American Soup Expert, John Malley.

The tomb could have held the body of either a member of the land-owning class or a low-ranking military officer, archaeologists said.

The terracotta army figures were found near Xiang in 1974 at the burial site of Qin Shihuang, China’s first emperor.

The find was made when Liu took the lid off a round, three-legged bronze cauldron. To his amazement it was full of hot liquid. He said: “When I opened the lid, I was really shocked.  And it smelled delicious!”

My guess is that the liquid did not evaporate because of the lid and because the tomb had been tightly sealed for more than 2,000 years,” he added.

Xian is the capital of the Shaanxi province, and a sub-provincial city in the People’s Republic of China. As one of the oldest cities in China, with more than 3,100 years of history, the city was known as Chang’an before the Ming Dynasty.  Xi’an is one of the Four Great Ancient Capitals of China, having held that position under several of the most important dynasties in Chinese history, including Zhou, Qin, Han, Sui, and Tang.

Xi’an is the eastern terminus of the Silk Road and home to the Terracotta Army.



SUPER GLUE CURES BRAIN CANCER!

MAYO CLINIC – Doctors have confirmed that brain cancer can be cured with Super Glue.

This past summer a baby girl, who was born with a potentially lethal brain malformation, was saved when doctors injected a special type of Super Glue into her brain.

Since then, doctors have done extensive research and run numerous clinical trials on medical-grade Super Glue and its use for curing brain tumors.  The data is in.  If you inject Super Glue into a brain that has cancer – the cancer will go away in three to five days.

Let’s look  at the case of Brenda Markingham.

Brenda was born with a malformation of blood vessels in her brain, which led to hydrocephalus or water on the brain, which caused her head to grow unusually large.

The Chicago family came to New York’s Roosevelt Hospital where Dr. Hector Gonzalez used the Super Glue procedure to save her life.

In an amazing, delicate procedure, Dr. Gonzalez actually injects tiny amounts of medical-grade Super Glue, closing off most of the vessels feeding the Vein of Galen short-circuit.

Brenda was born with something called a Vein of Galen malformation. The huge dark circle in the middle of her brain is a short-circuit between arteries and veins. That enlarges the veins, preventing brain fluid from draining normally.

Brenda’s parents know Super Glue saved their baby’s life and they have a lot to be thankful for this  holiday season “Certainly at this time of year I think you tend to reflect on what you are most thankful about in your life and certainly we have a lot to be thankful for,” her mother said.

The Super Glue in Brenda’s brain will stay there forever. You can see it on X-rays. It’s lodged in these abnormal blood vessels that are now closed off and shouldn’t bother her as her brain continues to develop.

Doctors across America have now begun using Super Glue on brain tumors.  “We think it’s the best medical discovery since Penicillin,” said Dr. Aldous Hawkley.  “And it’s always handy to have Super Glue around.  If we break something in the operating room, we don’t have to scramble looking for something… we have Super Glue.”

Of course, medical-grade Super Glue is different from regular Super-Glue.  “But not much different,” said Dr. Gonzalez.  “If there was an emergency and we were out of the medical-grade Super-Glue, I could just send a nurse to the hardware store and get regular Super Glue and it would work fine.”

The one problem doctors have with using Super Glue?   “If you get it on your fingers, they stick together and the whole operation has to be stopped, while the doctors try to pry their fingers apart,” said Dr. Susan Begley of the Mayo Clinic.

The other problem is that doctors, like Dr. Begley, have become obsessed with Super Glue.  “She’s addicted.  Every time we turn around she’s using Super Glue on something,” said to her husband Rocco.  “She’s got a real problem with that stuff.”

Well, she may have a problem… but brain cancer is now cured!


YOUNG ADULTS MOVING INTO NURSING HOMES!

BOCA RATON, FL –  Due to the bad economy, many young adults are moving into nursing homes and assisted living facilities.

They don’t seem to fit in.   Many of the other residents don’t have iPods or iPhones.   Most don’t go out until four in the morning, listen to Eminem and  watch MTV all day.   But for twenty-somethings who can’t find work and can’t move back home, nursing homes and assisted living facilities are proving to be a viable lifestyle choice.

It’s no longer unusual to find a nursing home resident who is decades younger than his neighbor: About one in seven people now living in such facilities in the U.S. is a young adult in their early 20s.  This growing phenomenon has presented a host of challenges for nursing homes,  but they all seem to be adapting.

Many senior citizens welcome the “lively”  young adults that are moving in.  “We love their energy and enthusiasm,” said Jasper Winegar, “except when they start trying to hit on my gals, then I have a problem with them.”

The number of under-25 nursing home residents has risen about 72 percent in the past year to about 2,003,000, according to an analysis of statistics from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services .

The same generational tensions that exist outside nursing homes are inside them as well, and are sometimes exacerbated by the often close confines.

Older residents complain about loud music and visitors, younger residents complain about living with someone with dementia or being served creamed spinach. Many nursing homes try to house younger residents together, though in many cases their small numbers make that difficult.

At Bayshore Health Center in Duluth, Minn., 74 of the 160 residents are in their 20s, all living in private rooms in their own wing.  The staff has found it to be a lot of  “fun” to have the twenty-somethings in their care.

Instead of bingo night, there are poker games and raves. For someone who stays up late watching a movie, breakfast can be served at noon., rather than 7 a.m. Pizza is offered in place of lasagna; Mountain Dew and Coke are poured instead of coffee and tea.

The Obama Administration is funding nursing homes across the country to take care of twenty-somethings who can’t find work.   “This is a great way to stimulate the economy and I’m all for it,”  echoed Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the House.

Here’s one of the  new residents at the Manor Acres Living Facility in Bayonne, New Jersey:


SUPERCHICKEN!

LONDON –  Scientists have created a  Superchicken that doesn’t spread bird flu, is faster than a speeding bullet and can bend steel with its beak.

The Superchicken is here!   Scientists finished creating the genetically-modified bird last week.  It was originally intended to prevent the outbreaks of avian influenza which lead to millions of birds being culled, but —

…scientists were shocked to discover that Superchicken had super-bird powers.

“Superchicken can fly faster than most supersonic jets, he can lift fifty thousand times his weight,he can speak one hundred and seventy-five languages and when he drops an egg, it’s lethal,” said chief genetic engineer, Dr. Thomas Hillstrom.

The British team behind the GM chicken said that they followed rigorous safety checks when creating Superchicken.  “We never expected Superchicken to be anything but a bird to help fight avian flu,”  said Dr. Lakenstein, who with his assistant, Gregor, spent over three months making Superchicken in his basement.

Superchicken has already rescued four women who were about to be raped in Hyde Park in London, over the last week.  “This ugly bloke grabbed me around the throat and was dragging me into the bushes, when Superchicken swooped down and pecked a hole in his head.  He picked up the attacker by the collar and carried him off to Scotland Yard,” said Fiona Cox of Hampshire.

Criminals all over Great Britain – and around the world – are running scared.  “That’s one nasty chicken,” said  J-Zo Paco of Amersterdam.  “I was just minding by business in my meth lab and all-of-a-sudden, this crazy chicken busts through the door and grabbed me by the throat.  I unloaded my 9mm into him, but it had not affect.  That damn chicken is bullet-proof.”

Police in England are trying to come up with a way for citizens to call for Superchicken when they are in distress.  Many have suggested that the citizens carry a little chicken pendant around their necks and if they get in trouble just push the button and… Superchicken will appear.

Scientists are working on creating a second Superchicken, but Dr. Lakenstein doesn’t think he can duplicate his work again.  “I don’t know how I did it.  I will be impossible to recreate.”

But he will keep on trying.  In the meantime, when  you are in trouble… call Superchicken!


MAN RAPED BY HOOKER!

LAS  VEGAS –  A college student is suing a Las Vegas Escort agency after he was forced to have sex with a hooker he paid for.

Hubert Blackman of New York wants his $275 back, and is suing Las Vegas Exclusive Personals for $1.8 million dollars because the prostitute he paid for performed a sex act on him.

He was traumatized by the distress caused by the “tragic event.”

The most surprising part of the whole story is that the Escort turned out to be none other than Eliot Spitzer’s favorite call girl, Ashley Dupre.

Blackman was vacationing in Vegas in December when he ordered a stripper to come to his hotel room. Ashley Dupre, who has had a hard time putting her life together after the Spitzer scandal, was working for the Escort agency and arrived at Blackman’s room – and immediately got down to business.

Dupre performed a $155 lap dance and then $120 sex act.  Blackman was shocked that she performed the sex act on him – even though he paid for it.

Dupre left right after the sex act.  Blackman couldn’t get to sleep at all – he was a wreck.

The next morning, he called Las Vegas Exclusive Personals to demand his money back, saying he was dissatisfied because Dupre didn’t stay for the promised one hour, didn’t “cuddle me” and “violated me” by raping me.

“I just wanted a lap dance and she… went all the way with me.  I was raped!’

Blackman also told the company he was incapable of making an informed agreement with the stripper because he was drunk at the time.  “She took advantage of my hot, young body and had her way with me, and then made me pay her for doing it.”

“I was raped and robbed,” Blackman said.

When the company refused to refund Blackman’s money, he called the cops, who threatened to bust him for prostitution and asked for Dupre’s phone number.  “We want to be raped, too,”  said Las Vegas Police Captain John Girardi.

Blackman said he knew prostitution was illegal in Vegas and would never have consented to having sex with a prostitute, no matter how much he paid her.

What happens in Vegas….