PALO ALTO, CA – A new study out of Stanford University reveals that the British accent is no longer considered a positive trait when choosing a sexual partner.
In a comprehensive new research study conducted jointly by the Department of Linguistics and the Department of Psychology at Stanford University, three thousand American men and women ranging in age from 18 to 54 were monitored to detect sexual arousal after hearing different foreign accents. Each subject participating in The Comito Study was put in a mood-enhanced room (low-lighting, soft music), then they were played samples of native speakers reciting simple phrase in English (i.e. “would you like to have dinner?” you look beautiful,” “let’s stroll in the park,” etc.). Subjects also heard several regional accents: New York, New Jersey, Midwest, Southern, Texas, and California. Electrodes attached to the subject monitored sexual arousal.
The results of The Comito Study surprised researchers. Women and men have always been aroused by French and Italian accents, and women have always seemed to go “weak in the knees” over British accents. No more. While the romance languages account for the majority of accents that attract the opposite sex, the British accent is slowly losing its sex appeal. “Women today seem unimpressed with the British accent. They are more attracted to accents of the more hot-bloodied counties – Spain, Brazil, Greece.”
Here are the results of The Comito Study. The top 15 accents that caused sexual arousal in subjects:
- New Jersey
- South African
Men are slightly more attracted to the British accent than women, but that may be because TV producers regularly give the hot, female lead to British actresses. One researcher, psycchologist Jacob Vizmans speculated that it may because American men are just growing tired of American women. His female research partners strongly disagreed with his comments and had him fired from The Comito Study.
One of the Comito researchers, Dr. Linda Masterson said, “For decades British men have been coming to America with the idea that women will just drop their skirts when they hear their accent, and for decades it worked. But now, American women are turned-off by the accent.” One subject wrote this on their data form, “I used to like British accents because I used to think of Jude Law and James Bond, but now when I here it all I think of is bad teeth and oil spills. Ewww.” Even though the study was conducted in May of this year, researchers with the Comito Project say that the BP oil spill did not affect the findings.
Dr. Masterson, who is married to a Jamaican set designer said, “The fact is that British accents have become… a bore.”
In general, subjects felt that if you had an accent your chances of having sex were better than if you didn’t. That word spread quickly on campus and since the study was released, there appears to be a lot more men at the bar with Italian accents. Hmmm….
The Comito Study is now expanding its research to Europe. They want to see how effective an American accent is in creating sexual arousal in Europeans. “It’s not going to be easy, Europeans don’t always respond to an American accent with arousal.” We look forward to the results.
TOKYO – Fisherman who were carrying out their annual dolphin hunt captured a dolphin that had human arms!
Fishermen at the Japanese town made famous by the controversial Oscar-winning documentary “The Cove” shrugged off protests by animal rights activists on Tuesday to carry out their annual dolphin hunt.
They were shocked with one of the first dolphin’s that they captured — it had human arms!!
Japanese broadcaster TBS said the first hunt of the season in the town of Taiji took place on Tuesday, without mentioning how many dolphins were involved.
They said 14 dolphins were killed, while another six — mothers and calves — were spared, at least temporarily. There was no news as to whether the dolphin with human arms (nicknamed Luka) was killed.
Western activists were chanting, “Mama dolphin, baby dolphin. No!” at the time Luka was discovered. Actually, the activists were the first to notice because Luka started clapping along to the chant – using his human hands.
“It was incredible. The Japanese fishermen pulled Luka into the boat and he punched a few of them with his human fist,” said Rainbow Williams, an activist from San Francisco. “Luka has a strong punch and I think he knocked out two or three fisherman with his punches.”
It became something of a brawl between the quick-jabbing dolphin and the Japanese fishermen. But they eventually threw a net over Luka’s head and subdued him with a tranquilizing dart.
Activists tried to get involved in the fray but the Japanese fishermen held them off with gunshots over their heads.
What will the Japanese fisherman do with Luka?
“We will be bringing Luka to a marine biology research center in Osaka. We will keep him safe and study him there.”
“Bullshit!! They are going to kill him,” said Williams. “We need to free Luka. Free Luka! Free Luka!” There are hundreds of protesters outside the research facility waiting for the Japanese to release Luka – but it doesn’t seem like it will be happening anytime soon.
Japan has long maintained that killing dolphins is not banned under any international treaty and that the animals are not endangered, adding that dolphins need to be culled to protect fishing grounds.