ATTACK OF THE TERROR BABIES!Posted: August 13, 2010
LAREDO, TX – Texas lawmakers have confirmed that Terror Babies are crawling across the border and heading for… you!
Texas Republican Louie Gohmert confirmed last night on Anderson Cooper 360° that babies, all under the age of 1, are crossing the Mexican border, crawling into Texas and terrorizing local citizens – and America.
A FBI agent, Pete Ramsey, confirmed that a new baby terrorist cell has formed and they’ve figured out ways to game the American system. “The babies know that we are looking for adults, teenagers and, generally, human beings over the age of 5. They know that they can just crawl past us and we wouldn’t even give them a second look… but not anymore. Now we’re on to those little buggers. We’ll nail them, damn right we will!”
Another Texas lawmaker, Debbie Riddle, came on Anderson Cooper’s show. The Republican member of the Texas State Legislature said her office is getting up-to-the-minute reports on the terror babies from former FBI officials. The Terror Baby cell has been active since December of 2009, when most of the terrorists were born. These babies were born in the United States and Mexico – and have teamed up to terrorize adults in both countries. They scream, belch, and poop – everywhere.. And they do when you’re least expecting it.
Laredo residents have been taking extra precautions – when they see a baby crawling on a dirt road, they ignore him or her. “Usually, if I saw a baby, or group of babies, crawling around by themselves, my natural instinct is to go over there and help the little fellas out, but not now. No, sir. I’m staying far away from them varmints.”
Some people confuse the Terror Babies with the recent news about “birth tourism” or “anchor babies” – which is when undocumented citizens have their babies in the United States and the babies immediately become U.S. citizens.
There have been sightings of terror babies as far north as Kentucky, where several horse ranchers said the babies crawled into their stables and stole some horses. A few babies crawled into a farmhouse and tried to breastfeed off a woman in her thirties. She’s recovering now in a Lexington Hospital.
There was one baby, six-month-old Little Charlie, who was apprehended by Kentucky authorities. “We haven’t been able to get much out of him. All he keeps saying is goo-goo, gaa-gaa. But, we’ll break him. Count on it,” said Officer Skip Perkins.
How many Terror Babies are in the U.S.? FBI agents say it’s hard to tell… but there may be over 50,000 in the Southwest alone. Do not approach theses babies! They aren’t armed, but they can be extremely dangerous, especially if they haven’t been changed in a while.
Beware the Babies!!!